The Definition of Dating

When did the definition of dating become: I like you, you like me, lets move in and play house? I have discovered that a lot of people believe and practice this method. Why? And we wonder why almost every marriage these days ends up in a divorce. Does no one know that dating is what you do before entering into a relationship? And I'm not talking about after a few dates then a relationship sounds like a good idea. That's what we call "instant relationship." I don't know about you, but I hate anything "instant", including my coffee. I realize this day in age that we live in, but honestly. My stomach can't handle instant foods. Now if your stomach can't handle instant foods, what makes you think that your life can handle an instant relationship? Mine can't. I used to practice the definition above for years. I would wonder "why" and "what's wrong with me" when they would end. That is a vicious cycle I wish not to repeat.

The definition of dating, in which I have adopted from a dear friend of mine, is this: you hang out with someone and try to figure out if your horns fit their holes. I don't mean in a sexual way. Although eventually that is very necessary. Your suppose to find out what you have in common. Your suppose to let your personality come out. Honesty works to. I mean like being honest in the sense where you don't try to accommodate what you like to try and reel the other in. Example: You have a Linkin Park CD that you like. But rock music isn't really your favorite type of music. Lets pretend that pop is your favorite instead. Nothing wrong with pop music. But you meet some one who loves rock music and you put in your Linkin Park CD to show them that you do to. You just forget to mention that you prefer Brittney Spears and N'sync. There is nothing wrong with what your preference is. I like Brittney. But I love my screaming punk rock bands more. Lying by omission is just bad as any other lie.

I have also realized that people are completely different in relationships. Lets take your average wife beater for starters, they don't beat their wives out in public. Of course not. You know that guy at work who you get along with so well and go out for drinks after work? All in all, he's swell. But what you don't know is that he goes home to his girlfriend and beats the crap out of her. Why would you know that? You aren't in a relationship with him. You don't go home to him at night or him to you. Of course you wouldn't know that. I'm telling you, people are different in relationships.

I've dated guys who seem really laid back. They're smart and funny. Some of them even started out as friends. But then you put the label "dating" on it and everything about that person changes. They make great friends, just horrible boyfriends. This one guy I dated wanted me to meet his mom on our third date. He also proceeded to inform me that he wants to settle down and have kids soon. Uumm...yeah...about that whole marriage thing...not looking to get married to a guy I've only known for a year who thinks that meet the parents sounds appropriate on a third date. And I'm just going to pretend that the kid conversation didn't happen because you don't want me going off on that. I want to get married and have a family someday. I'm in no hurry to screw up a life altering, yet amazing experience as that. I believe it is one of the most romantic thing that a couple can do in regards to raising a family. But in order for that to happen, you need to marry the right person. And in order to find the right person, you need to have a good relationship. A good relationship comes from dating... the right way. When it's not rushed.

I understand that the fear of growing old alone is very great in most of us. But the one thing I have come to learn about fear is this: it is False Evidence Appearing Real. I used to make a lot of decisions based on my fears. I realize now that by acting on those fears, they only feed into them more.